1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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