Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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