So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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