i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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