Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize