I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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