Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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