what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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