Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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