One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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