What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize