Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
