i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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