drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
