I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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