I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
