Who wears a wallet chain?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
