Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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