One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
