My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You dont lie about slip and slides
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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