Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
