who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
