Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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