I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
