It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
