My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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