you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
