she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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