Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
