The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
