i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
