Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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