When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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