The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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