this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
