the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
