I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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