so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
