Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
