she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
