Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
how does that bad decision feel?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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