I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
