we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I want is dick and wine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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