well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
