I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
