Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize