How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
