I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
