ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
