For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
