That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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