she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.