I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
worst night to have a conscience
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.