There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza