I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.