i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.