I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.