I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.