i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
