Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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