Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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