you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
