So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
