drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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